After working offshore for over 2 years now, I have seen and heard a lot, helping me to understand a few key points to keep in mind when you are in any kind of relationship with an offshore worker.
• Understand If He has to Work Over
I have worked in all sorts of environments, including West Africa, where schedules don't go as planned most often than not. Remember it is NOT his choice to miss that vacation you planned out four months ago, he wants to be on that sandy beach with a drink in his hand as much as you do. But unless he wants to lose his job and only source of income, if his relief dosen't show, or the helicopter is down for maintenance, or rig move took longer than planned there's not much that he, or you for that matter can do about it. Just be understanding and supportive when you have him on the phone, you can save the cussing and dish throwing for later.
• Don't Blow Up His Email or Facebook and Get Angry if he Dosen't Do the Same
This one is pretty obvious but it is east to forget that he isn't out for a night on the town with his boys, he is at WORK. Keeping his phone attached to his hip when he is on tour is both dangerous and against most companies policies for workers to keep their phones during the day, plus the rig floor or wherever he may be most often dosen't have wifi. That being said, by the time he knocks off, eats, goes to the gym (or not), showers, and gets in bed, he has already been up for 16 hours and just wants to sleep. But by the grace of God he somehow finds the time to get on the internet, link up to wifi (which sometimes takes another half hour in itself) , and emails you. It may just be one email or message but it is still him saying hey, I'm fine, life is good and I love you and can't wait to see you. Which is all he has been thinking about all day but dosent have the strength or energy to write ALL about the thoughts he had that day, or else he wouldn't sleep. Just be happy hearing from him once or twice a day, because that is about the only amount of time that even I have to write home without being a zombie the next day.
• Keep All Bad News for His Time Home
Now this is a hard one, ask any man offshore the last thing he wants to hear is that a pipe burst in the kitchen and flooded the whole first floor. You need to be independent when he is not there, and take care of things like these on your own. Call the plumber, go to the store and buy some buckets and mops and clean it up girl. You got this. Tell him about it the next day when all is said and done, just to warn him about the charges on his card from the plumber, trust me he will be much happier that you DIDN'T tell him about it than if you did.
Why? That's an easy one. Because you don't want him thinking about it all day when he is working the next day. You don't want him thinking "I wonder how bad the house looks" or "Do I trust this plumber guy who's about to enter my house with my sexy wife in it?" It takes his mind off the job which can not only put his life at risk but his co-workers' as well.
That being said FAMILY EMERGENCIES are ok if he is needed at home and you need him off the rig. A death in the family or serious illness is something everyone understands in the offshore industry, because we've all been through it as well. But even if one of your youngsters falls at cheerleading practice and breaks her arm, tell daddy all about it once you've been to the hospital and she has had some time to calm down. Freaking out and putting his life at risk is not something you think about in the moment, trust me I know, but it is real and it does happen.
• DO NOT SPEND ALL HIS MONEY
I can't stress this one enough. I know it's easy to get carried away when you see six figures a year coming through your bank account but for the love of God there is no reason to have to blow through 7k or more a month consistently. If you really want that Gucci purse, Chanel makeup, or those Louboutins ASK when he is home, it will feel much better coming as a gift than just because you had a splurge day.
If you have kids, it is obviously understandable that you are going to spend more, but there is still a fine line between getting them what they NEED and what they WANT. I am not a parent so I cannot comment too much on this. Yes your kids deserve the moon and stars but if that racecar bed that little Joey wanted for President's Day clears out daddy's bank account, he definitely won't be a happy camper when he comes home and has no money for that hunting lease he had been dreaming of for the last 21 days.
The point is, the job he holds is not an easy one, most guys don't just do it for fun. They do it for you and your family. So give him a chance to reap the benefits of his hard work by saving some money for him to play with when he gets back. If you can't handle it get your OWN job and spend your OWN money (or try a work from home deal if you are a mom) I have seen WAY too many relationships and marriages RUINED because of "her spending habits" when he is gone. The paycheck hitting on the 31st and back to broke on the 2nd. I will write a longer blurb on the do's and don'ts of spending his money to elaborate more on this, but until then stick to discount stores, online shopping, and Wal-Mart for necessities. (It's ok to splurge at Target aka "Tar-jay" in fancy talk every now and then). Steer clear of the high end stores and plastic surgeons (at least until you get his advice on the new nose or set of girls).
• BE THE GIRL HE FELL IN LOVE WITH
All the time. All day. Every day. Whether he is there or not. Be strong and independent. My motto is simple yet difficult to follow some days:
"No man wants to be with a woman more stressful than his job is"
You don't want him to get off tour procrastinating to turn on his phone or computer. Don't harp on him while he's gone. Don't yell at him on the phone, don't get mad if he doesn't call or write one day. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he just may have had to work over that day, or the internet is down, or the line for the phone was too long. Remember that he does not have as much time off as you do. He becomes a machine out there: Eat. Sleep. Work. Repeat for 3-4 weeks. It's a different world that you physically cannot understand until you spend a hitch in his shoes. So in his time off tour be his escape, be happy, supportive, and positive when he calls, even if you had a crap day. It's the best thing you can do for him and ultimately yourself, and your relationship a as a whole.
Just remember when things get rough Keep Calm and OWC on! Tune in for more and share with your OWC friends!
Xo Lexi
Offshore Wives Club Founder
